


Count Your Losses

by Spike_1790



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Coitus Interruptus, M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2017-11-02 19:40:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spike_1790/pseuds/Spike_1790
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander misses an opportunity and realises his mistakes too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Count Your Losses

Xander couldn’t believe his ears. His co-worker, Colin, had just breezed into work that morning, announced that he was gay, that he had been to a gay club, and had met the most wonderful guy _ever_. That had damaged the once stable foundations of Xander’s universe. He had always seen Colin as the paragon of heterosexuality. To learn that his world wasn’t what he had once believed had momentarily stunned him. Ok, he wasn’t exactly straight as an arrow himself – Xander could appreciate a good looking man every now and again.  
   
As Colin continued to describe the world’s most perfect guy that he had been hitting on last night, Xander wondered if he should make an appointment to have his hearing checked, because it sounded very much like Colin was describing a certain bleached blonde menace that Xander loved to hate.  
   
“…And his cheekbones, _oh my god_ … Oh! And he wears leather. Skin tight leather, and a long leather coat…” _Ok, forget the hearing check, lets try for a **brain** check instead_. Spike wasn’t gay. In all the years Xander had known him, Spike had never once made a move on another guy. Plenty of women, even though he usually just led them on, teased them a bit, then announced he wasn’t interested in them and turning back to his drink, or pool game, or whatever it was he had been doing beforehand. He may not have been best friends with Spike, but he had never seen him in a bar other than the Bronze or Willy’s Place. And Spike had never mentioned going out anywhere else in town…  
   
Xander snapped out of his thoughts to realise that the conversation had changed topics and the Mets game was now being discussed in great detail. Xander didn’t follow sport, and was sort of disappointed that he hadn’t caught the name of the bar Colin had seen Spike or Spike’s gay twin in. _Wait? Disappointment? That can’t be right… It’s Spike for Christ sakes._ He did, however, make a mental note to mention this to Willow and Buffy, on the off-chance they would like to find blackmail material on Spike. Xander kept half-listening, half-plotting until the whistle blew, announcing the end of the worker’s lunch break. Xander went back to work, his mind so very far away from the construction site and the work he was meant to be doing.  
   
***  
   
“Guess who’s gay.”  
   
“Oh, Xander! It’s great that you’ve finally come out!” Willow gave him a blinding smile.  
   
“What? NO! Spike’s gay! Not me! Nooo way… Me like woman. Ug. Women with breasts!” Xander protested, cupping his hands to his chest in a crude imitation of boobs.  
   
Willow looked sceptical. “Xander, sweetie, are you sure Spike’s gay? He was with Drusilla for, like, forever, and he dated Harmony. And, um, I’m sure there were other women too – he’s over a hundred years old…”  
   
“Colin sure seemed to think Spike was gay.” Xander pouted.  
   
“What if he’s not gay?” Buffy asked. Willow gave her a confused look. “Not Colin, Spike. What if Spike’s not gay? What if he’s got the chip out and is using the gay scene to cruise for victims cause he knows we would never think to look for him there?”  
   
They all exchanged nervous glances. “We’ll go tonight.” Willow decided for them. “I was going to suggest we all go to the club anyway. There’s a girl that’s been hitting on Tara that I know goes there. I wanna make out with Tara in front of her, show her Tara’s taken.” Xander’s body confirmed that he wasn’t all the way gay yet, responding eagerly to the mental picture Willow painted. He missed a large chunk of the conversation thanks to the porno playing in his head, featuring Willow and Tara. “…that okay with you, Xan? Xan?”  
   
“Erm… huh?”  
   
“Nine o’clock tonight at my dorm room.” Xander’s eyes glased over. “Ew, Xander! Not for that! For going to the club. To stop Spike killing people? Now take it to the bathroom, Mister. And I’ll know if you’re thinking of me and Tara.” Willow admonished, as she shoved him in the direction of the bathroom and the personal space he needed for his, uh, _gentleman’s time_.  
   
 _I have great friends,_ Xander thought as he locked the door and unbuckled his belt. _I wonder if any other men have lesbian best friends who don’t care about said men getting boners thinking about said lesbians together._ The first time it had happened had been uncomfortable for everyone. They had been at the public pool, which they had booked for the night. Willow and Tara had both been in one-piece bathing suits, and Xander had worn lurid orange swimming shorts. When Willow had kissed Tara, Xander’s shorts had done their best impression of a tent. Spike had been sat on the bench at the side of the pool, minding their towels and keeping an eye out for troublesome evil that might want to spoil the night. Xander had turned away, partially to avoid looking at the kiss, partly to stop any of his friends noticing his hard on. Unfortunately, that meant he was now facing Spike, who raised one eyebrow. Xander blushed deeply, which had been noticed by Buffy. Buffy had asked why Xander was so red, and had swum up to him. She swam close enough that she saw for herself just what the problem was. She had blushed, Willow and Tara had blushed, and Spike had laughed.  
   
Xander had stayed hard for the rest of the night. The girls didn’t mention it, but he knew that Spike knew. They had dropped Buffy, Willow and Tara off at the dorms, then headed back towards Xander’s apartment. Xander wished Spike would leave, so he could be embarrassed _mortified_ in private. Instead, Spike had grabbed Xander’s shoulder and dragged him into an alleyway, out of sight of the sidewalk.  
   
“You’re still hard.” Spike announced. “Deal with it now. The pheromones you’re givin’ off are driving me crazy and drawing attention from demons you DON’T want the attention of.” Xander didn’t need to be told twice. Leaning back against the wall, he unbuckled his jeans, popped the button and unzipped the flies. He hissed as the cool night air hit his over-heated penis. He was aware of Spike moving away from him, keeping a look out for baddies. He didn’t care. He could deal with the fact he was jerking off in front of Spike later. Right now, he had a man’s needs. Needs that took less than a minute to satisfy.  
   
Spike had come back towards him, taking in his dishevelled, satisfied appearance, and the small puddle of cum on the ground and smirked. “Your turn to keep watch, mate.” Spike had told him. He hadn’t waited for Xander to turn around before releasing his pale, uncut cock from his jeans and wrapping his hand around it tightly. Leaning back on the wall, it wasn’t long before Spike’s cum joined Xander’s on the ground, making the white patch of fluid larger. Xander realised he had watched Spike toss off. The blush was back. Spike licked a few stray drops of cum from his own fingers and tucked himself away.  Then they had walked home and acted like nothing had happened.  
   
The next time Xander got a hard on in front of one the Scoobies, Spike had pushed him towards the bathroom, his expression saying “deal with it.” This had caught on. Occasionally, after patrol, especially if Buffy had been wearing something skin-tight or a slightly-too-big halter top and no bra, Xander would keep watch while Spike dealt with his own needs. Which brought him back to the present. Spike wasn’t gay. He jerked off thinking about Buffy.  
   
Nine o’clock rolled round and Xander ambled towards Willow’s room. He was a little nervous. Aside from a few desperate wanks with company, as Spike had termed it, Xander had never done anything remotely homosexual. Now he would be going to a gay club, with gay men and gay women. And his best friend had thought he was gay. Sighing deeply, he knocked on Willow’s dorm room door.  
   
***  
   
The club wasn’t as busy as Xander had expected, but then again, Sunnydale was a small town, and there were better clubs to go to elsewhere. Xander felt like he stuck out like a sore thumb. Somewhere, under the lights and smoke from the dry ice machine, Willow and Buffy were dancing. Xander had opted to keep an eye out for Spike. He had seen plenty of men that had similar clothes or features to Spike- one with bleached hair, another with blue eyes- but he hadn’t seen the bleached menace yet.  
   
Then, out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw something. Taking a second look, his brain confirmed what his eyes had thought they had seen. Spike was kissing Colin. Colin was backing Spike towards the exit. Xander downed his drink and went to find Willow and Buffy. They would have to act quick if they were going to save Colin.  
   
Kicking the door open so hard it bounced off the wall, Buffy, Willow and Xander entered the alley. All three gasped. Spike was on his knees, Colin’s dick in his mouth, and his own hand working his dick. Both men were moaning. Spike’s eyes were closed, and he looked like he was in ecstasy. Xander had been impressed with the size of Spike’s cock the first time he had seen it. The girls were equally impressed. Both had their hands over their mouths, their eyes wide. Colin’s hands clenched tighter in Spike’s hair, dragging out another moan from the vampire. Neither cared that they were being watched.  
   
Xander knew from the times he had kept watch for Spike that the blonde was close to completion. The breathy little whimpers and whines that somehow sounded even hotter with Colin’s dick in Spike’s mouth. The clenching of Spike’s fingers against Colin’s arse. Before either of them could reach their orgasms, Xander grabbed Spike’s head, pulling the vampire off the human’s cock amidst protests from both men, before punching him soundly.  
   
“What the fuck, Spike!?” Instead of the anger Xander had expected, all he saw in Spike’s face was sadness.  
   
“I thought I was safe here. That you wouldn’t come looking for me. Why do you lot keep bollocksing up things for me? Why can’t you let me have once place where I won’t get harassed, or told to piss off, or punched in the face?”  
   
“Xander?” Colin asked. “You know Spike? Were you two… together?”  
   
“NO! You’re welcome to him. I wouldn’t touch him with someone else’s dick.” Xander sneered. A look of hurt flashed across Spike’s face, missed by no-one save for Xander.  
   
“Jealous, Harris? You knew I liked men. You could have made a move any time. How many times have we jerked off together after patrol?” Spike ignored Buffy’s outraged “WHAT?!” and turned back to face Colin. “It was fun while it lasted, love. Would have liked to have seen of it could have been more than a blowjob in an alley, but if you want to keep your mates,” he indicated towards Xander, “it’s probably best I keep out of your way.” Giving Colin one last kiss on the lips, Spike left, leaving an angry Xander, a miserable Colin and a pair of flabbergasted girls behind.  
   
Colin’s voice broke the quiet. “He took me out on a date. I’ve never had a date with a man before tonight. I told him about my ex girlfriend and our breakup. He told me there was a guy he liked that didn’t like him back. He told me what you did together.” He looked Xander dead in the face. “So which is it? Are you jealous that he moved on? Or do you just hate gays?” Colin went back into the club, heading straight over to the bar to order a shot of Jack Daniels. Xander felt ashamed.  
   
He didn’t hate gay people. He loved Willow to pieces- she was his best friend; a little thing like sexuality wouldn’t spoil a life time of friendship. Hell, he had even accepted that Angel had done stuff with another man. The hate he felt there hadn’t been influenced by the knowledge that Angel liked to shove his prick inside a man’s arse; it had just been hate for Angel. Although, Xander realised, it _was_ Spike that had let that little gem of information slip during one pretty boring research session… Unwilling to think any further, Xander hailed a cab outside the club and went home to bed.  
   
His sleep was disturbed and his dreams were disturbing him. _Angelus and Spike rutting wildly together, both naked, eventually cumming over each others skin. Dream!Spike and Dream!Angelus were both in gameface, and smiled at him evilly through too many teeth._ Xander woke up, spending some time trying to shake off the pure evil in the eyes of the vampires. When he fell back to sleep, the dreams were different, but no less disturbing. _Spike was jerking off in the alley. The very first alley. His yellow eyes met Xander’s, and Spike yelled his completion, howling Xander’s name._ Xander sat straight up in bed, cold sweat dripping off his body. _That’s not how it happened._ He looked at the clock next to his bed. It was nearly time to get up for work now anyway. He dragged himself to the shower, wondering how he would face Colin today.  
   
He had been expecting bad. What he got was a whole lot worse than bad. Colin had mentioned what happened to one of the guys at the site, and word had spread like wildfire. Not a single co-worker spoke to Xander all day. They blanked him at lunch, and gave him evil looks when they had to work with him, lifting lumber and the like. He wanted to apologize to Colin. He wanted to talk to Willow and Buffy. He wanted to kill Spike. The relief he felt when the foreman called out that it was time to call it a day was palpable. Xander went to see the girls.  
   
***  
   
Willow and Tara gave Xander sympathetic looks when they opened the door to him. _Great,_ he thought. _I must look as rough as I feel._  
   
“I’ve really fucked up, haven’t I?”  
   
“Just a little” Willow told him. “Maybe if you go and talk to Spike, tell him you’re sorry…”  
   
“What? No, I mean I fucked up with Colin, not Spike. He’s pretty pissed off and… Don’t give me that look, Wills.”  
   
“Colin’s upset because _you_ made Spike leave. Spike was upset too, even if he refuses to show it. So you have to make it up to both of them.” Willow was wearing her resolve face. He had no choice but to obey.  
   
“Wills, about the… me and Spike thing… I think I might have fucked up there too. I want him. I don’t want him to be with Colin. I only realised it last night. I think I could even love him, given time.”  
   
“Xan, are you sure? It’s not fair on Spike OR Colin if you realise you don’t really want him.” Tara, always the voice of reason.  
   
“I don’t know. What should I do?” Xander looked thoroughly miserable.  
   
“Talk to Spike. Be honest with him. And tell him you’re sorry for last night.”  
   
***  
   
Xander did as he was told. He went to Spike’s crypt, intent on telling the vampire exactly what he felt. Pushing open the stone door, he could hear the sounds of voices from the lower level. Lowering his body to the floor, he could just make out the bed, with its heavy, red covers, and the two naked figures lying on it. One was Spike, lying on his stomach, head resting on one of the pillows. The other was Colin, lying on his back, idly trailing his fingers down Spike’s spine. He looked happy. Xander stood as quietly as he could, tears stinging his eyes as he heard Colin say to Spike “I think I love you.”  
   
Xander wiped the tears from his cheeks, shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, and disappeared into the night.


End file.
